So help me God.. to put my faith in You..

Guns and Roses...er.. Thorns.

This wanting more from me is tearing me, it’s breaking me
But what you want’s not mine to give
I’m your dollar sign, your brand new house,
Your product line
When you’re done with me I’m spent.
When the smoke is gone I have to face what I’ve become...

Chorus:
Will you rescue me? Could you get me out alive?
I’m trying to hold on but I’ve lost the will to fight
Will You rescue me? Take me far away from this shattered life.

How can I go on pretending that there’s nothing wrong?
Life has brought me to my knees
This mask I hide behind is killing me,
There’s nothing left
Is there anyone who feels like me?
When the smoke is gone I have to face what I’ve become...
                ~ Seventh Day Slumber, Shattered Life

Have you ever just felt the need to pummel something with sticks? To root, pillage, and destroy? To beat on things? To make lots of noise? To release heat in the form of anger with drums?

Man it's been a crazy day. But before I say any more to that end... What is it with people telling me that I'm a wuss and then getting after me for having low self esteem? I mean, you don't have to rub it in - I know I'm a wuss when it comes to cold water and endurance. I haven't run all year, and I'm not well insulated. I'm a wuss. Okay. But then don't get mad at me *also* for beating myself up over it. Jeez... make up your minds, people.

So my day started with Jen, Jeff, Mark and I going on a reconnaissance trip down the Upper Moberly River. We were in the truck by 9:30 am, and we'd gotten into the canoes by 10:30. I figured since I'm white and I haven't burned yet this year, I might as well use this as an opportunity to do the job (I burn once early in the summer, and then I tan). Little did I know that just because I'm not red *yet* doesn't mean I'm not *going* to be... After 2 hours on the river in about 25 degree weather with direct sunlight, I finally decided to put on some sunscreen. That's when I started going red. And right now, I look like a red-painted light bulb. Ouch.

So I got back to where I'd parked my car, and found that the horses which had been there decided the rubber of my windshield wipers was just too tasty to pass up ... needless to say, I'll be spending 30 bucks on a new wiper blade. And they even bit my hood, marring the paint with two lovely foot-long scrapes.... Stupid horses!!

So I got home, exhausted, and wanted to go for a swim with the others. But I ended up wearing the name "wussie" yet again, for even when I dipped my feet into the water, within 5 seconds the cold was crushing them in pain. So... I went home and showered instead.

Now... I just need to release....this. Hit something. Like my drums. But they're not set up yet. My guitar doesn't quite cut it lately; although I've been improving far beyond what I expected this year, it's just not the same for releasing frustrations. Maybe I just need to find some horses. I know people with guns...

posted by D-Rock @ 9:40 PM