Questions
Why does opening up to somebody else always have to make us so vulnerable? Why can't we just get to know each other without exposing ourselves to heartache?I look under the tree,
But there's nothing to see,
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me.
I can't figure it out-
Is this what Christmas is all about?
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me.
But there's nothing to see,
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me.
I can't figure it out-
Is this what Christmas is all about?
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me.
When somebody hurts us, why do we clam up so tightly and refuse to expose ourselves to anybody else? Why can't we trust people based on what we know of them, rather than on how others have treated us?
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Why do expectations come with opening up? And why do we get upset when those expectations aren't met? And further, why, when our expectations aren't met and we are hurt, does everything seem to come out wrong?
I apologize...
Cause what I wanted to say
Never came out the way
I wanted it to, I wanted it to
Cause what I wanted to say
Only got in the way
I never meant to hurt you
But I didn't have a clue
Cause what I wanted to say
Never came out the way
I wanted it to, I wanted it to
Cause what I wanted to say
Only got in the way
I never meant to hurt you
But I didn't have a clue
Normally, I would not trust people enough to open up to them so fully unless I had known them many years. People like my parents and sister I trust completely, because ... they've been a part of my life ever since I can remember. They could not change their relation to me even if they wanted to do so. Anything I say or do to them does not affect trust, because Mom will always be Mom, Dad will always be Dad, and Alyssa will always be my sister. There is no need for concern that I will cause them to leave.
Friends, on the other hand... are different. Their schedules change, and with it so does the time they are able to spend with me. Their character changes, and with it their expectations of me. I change, and with it so does our friendship. Friendships often die. Sometimes they morph. Rarely, they blossom. They can be unpredictable, and all too often they are painful.
So trusting friends can be hard.
But then there are these stupid things that get involved and love to screw things up even further... They're called hormones. They make up for the time not spent building a relationship. They demand and supply trust that is not yet built. They cause us to open up more than we should, which in turn prematurely increases expectations. And they make us vulnerable.
Vulnerable to the person we don't really know, unstable upon the uncured cement of trust, and embittered when our resultant expectations are not met. Improperly timed, ill-handled hormones prepare us for nothing but a sudden crash.
5 Comments:
Derek, what a deep real entry. I've always found it funny that people can open up to a computer screen over real people. I'm sorry that you've been hurt so badly. I truly am. I can't express how...in weird ways I can relate. Derek, stick it out, trust in God...(sounds dumb..I know) but seriously sometimes the truth sounds dumb. If I could hug you and promise you that it would get better I would.... this "comment" is so stupid. anyway, I AM praying for you.
"Father God, I thank-you that you are so holy and so sovereign. I thank-you that you are in control and that you hold Derek now and forevermore. Would you continue to reveal ur plan to him...in Jesus name. Amen"
In Jesus Love
Sarah
Thank you, Sarah.. :)
Hey Derek,
You are also loved by us :).
The stuff that happens to us is not what shapes us - it's how we respond to what happens to us that makes us better or bitter.
The truth that you have learned to depend on when things have been positive and clear in your life is still truth when things are dark and painful.
Love you forever,
Auntie Diane
Perhaps wisdom is built on the fact that when the questions that (at the very least) seem unanswerable, are then left in the hands of the One who (though I make my bed in hell) is still present because of His unfailing love.
Perhaps it wouldn't be possible to really love without being susceptible to loss of returned love?
Perhaps fear is from our own lack of understanding how we want to love; for if "perfect love casts out fear," then maybe the love you seek to share is still needing a lil fine-tuning? (Not to say that mine is in any less need of fine-tuning... for maybe we all still need a lil work and making our "love abound more and more."
Ya.. so to fine tune what I said above: Love gives the loved a free choice of whether or not to love back.
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