Hi! I don't belong here.
Wow! Victoria is simply amazing. So green...so warm...so much less traffic than I thought there would be. And it's so great to see Sarah again and finally meet Charles. Looking forward to meeting the rest of the clan later this week.Sarah's doing her first driving lesson today, and then a bunch of housework. Charles is at work, coming home in 1.5 more hours. And as for me...I spent the entire morning walking around Victoria, admiring the scenery, and trying desperately to learn all the names of the streets (at least the ones between Charles' place and Sarah's place). [Side note: my legs and feet are killing me! I need new shoes.]
I've also done a lot of thinking. I get to do much more of that now that there's no school to complete. I've thought about my plans for the summer, my summer itself, and what I'll be doing afterward. But what shocked me is how much I thought about my short vacation here.
Stuff like, what on earth am I doing here??
I mean, what did I expect? that finding places to minister to others would be easy? that homeless people would be all over the streets, just waiting for somebody to talk to? that people would actually want to talk to me (or even look me in the eye)? or that I would have the guts to do it? Yeah, I really did expect all of that. Psh. Man, do I feel stupid.
I don't have the first clue where I could go to minister to somebody. I only saw one homeless person so far, but he was in Vancouver and I was on the Greyhound bus. And I'm scared out of my wits to even talk to a stranger. My entire morning was spent in solitude! I've only been here 24 hours, and already I feel totally useless.
Maybe I should just go home. Leadership Training starts tomorrow...at least I'd be useful there, with jobs to do and a team to build. And I wouldn't just be bumming off other peoples' time. I mean, Sarah and Charles and everybody else down here have lives. They are busy. And I...I have no life. Apparently I'm out of place, with nothing to do unless they entertain me. Which, of course, they are not obligated to do, nor should they be.
Maybe I just don't belong in Victoria.
5 Comments:
Would going home really solve anything? Sure, you can be useful, but is it really your purpose to spend every year of your future at camp? ...or are you destined to branch out and minister to the homeless? It has to start somewhere. There's a Chinese proverb which reads, "A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" ...You've made the first step. ...in percentage terms, assuming a step to be a meter, you've gone about 1 - 1,600,000th of the way. ...which, I know can be discouraging... But think of it this way... after just one more step, you're down to 1 - 800,000th... two more brings the number down by half again... Every step brings you *that* much closer to where God is inevitably leading you. So don't dispair. ...It'll all work out for the best *knows it with everything he has* God bless, mate... as always, my prayers go with you.
Hey! Here's another comment! ...can I see that dance now?
Whoa.. I don't want to offend, but how does Ivan the Terrible presume to know that he knows God's will for Derek? Go ahead and encourage Derek to pursue care for street people, Ivan. I have many stories of my own in that kind of ministry. But it might do you well to know that it led me to camp ministry, which is neither more important, nor less.
What matters is what God directs. Perhaps I read too much into your comment, but it seemed as though you were making the camping ministry into some kind of prison where only the undeveloped Christians minister, and the well grown must find other greater places for ministry.
I have been involved in almost every kind of ministry there is, but I have yet to see any ministry that even comes close to what camps do. It is a blessing beyond that enables me to be in such a place.
This may sound to you like a father pushing his son into camp ministry, but let me assure you that this has never been the case. Derek's zeal to help at camp is his own... and I trust is placed there by the same God who showed him the needs of street people.
Derek, I heard what you said in your article. And I applaud you're learning. You are right: reaching out to street people isn't easy, and it is scary. But remember these things...
1) Some of God's lessons are stepping stones... and not the end in itself.
2) Opportunity is the vehicle. If your heart is to understand and care the plights of those on the street, then the way to do so is to find opportunity. If you cannot find opportunity (which is in God's realm by the way) then maybe it's not his time?)
3) If you still believe in your heart that God wants you to minister to people on the street, then it may be very wise to seek an established ministry in Victoria where you can learn from the experienced. It doesn't mean you have to limit yourself to staying there. But it does provide a lot of knowledge about the kinds of dangers and wisdom that you may have no idea about yet. It may be that your lack of finding street people has been God's way of protecting you from something you are not quite ready to tackle without some mentoring by street missionaries.
Well spoken, sir. Likewise, it wasn't my intention to offend. I wasn't calling down camp ministry in any way, but was writing from the standpoint that it's where Derek is starting from, and if he *is* to persue God's will (which he believes to be a mission with street people) then he inevitably has to leave the camp setting behind. It doesn't mean forever, and it doesn't mean that by leaving, that it becomes obsolete. It's merely the starting point where he must go *from* if God's will is elsewhere. (and no, I don't know God's will for him... hence the prayers :)
I appreciate your comments and encouragements for Derek. In reality, you expressed the exact same encouragements that I was trying to express, but since you know him much better than I, you're able to express them in the way he needs and understands. *bows slightly* I hope this better expresses my thought. And again, Derek, my prayers continue to go with you. ~Caleb~
Ok I can definately understand the feeling of lostness as I to am striking out in the scary and differant world of summer away from camp. It really all does come down to the prayer thing. For me there was a point this spring when after much prayer and thought I finally came to the point where I could say "I am cool with the idea of not coming to camp this summer" Not that I wouldn't like to go, but right now I am sure that God want me to be earning money so that I can go off to college in the fall and persue service as a missionary pilot. I fought with this problem a long time, and always ended up back and camp, which was good, because that was where I needed to be then but not now. One thing I kinda struggled with was the idea that God could want a person to work in one type of ministry now, and another type later, but I am beginning to understand that now. I don't know if my rambling makes much sense but that's my two cents. Have a great day and I will be praying for you.
Post a Comment
<< Home